And when you're gone; will they love you the same?

*Pauses music for ultimate concentration.*

Let me start off with: Dejan, I fixed my comments. <3

So; the other night I was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't get to sleep. I was tired, but my eyes would not shut. ;frown.; It took me a while to realise that I couldn't fall asleep because I couldn't hear Christen. He was next to me; sleeping and usually I could hear his breathing (snoring T_T), but this time I couldn't. I didn't move or breathe for a moment; trying to catch any movement in his body to let me know he was okay.

Nothing.

And what did I do?

Nothing.

Why? Because I'd been down this road before and it was scary. I didn't want to do it again. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the hysterics that were sure to burst out. I tried to will myself to go to sleep; assuring myself it was okay. My heart was racing and I was literally shaking. I couldn't take it anymore. I pressed myself against him. He was warm. He was moving. He was breathing. A sigh of releif escaped my lips and half asleep; he rolled over and took me in his arms.

So close. I was so close to leaving him alone when I thought he was.. dead.

I'm only human, my dears. You can't judge me without experiencing.

After that ordeal; I still couldn't sleep but I wasn't tired anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Life really is short. Am I afraid of dying? I don't know. The only thing I know is that I'll die before a lot of people. Can't be helped because I won't let someone help me. I choose to ignore everything and live life normally as if I were going to live forever.

I've spoken about mine and Christen's future because, yes I do see myself having a future with him. I want to do everything as soon as possible because time is slipping. I'm not sure he understands it all yet. I don't want to force him, either. I'll just wait and enjoy our time together.

Who knows? Doctors could be wrong.

Goodbye, worry. Hello, reassurance.