There's someone I wish walked through these halls.
Take me away from this empty house. I'm... suffocating on nothing. Because that's all there is when he's not here. I miss... I miss the yelling. The stupid fights, the laughter and the stupid jokes. I miss my family. I don't want to leave him. At all. I just.. I wish I could see them more.
My dad called the other day. I'm supposed to go see him in September, but I'm a little reluctant. Don't want to leave Christen. It's not that he won't cope without me; it's that I won't cope without him. Before I moved in I was always here for like.. 4 days. When I had to go home, it killed me. I need him. I can't sleep if he's not next to me. It's comforting.
So I'm thinking of telling my dad that we'll go down in December. Christen, Jono, Jarrod, Glen and I are planning a road trip. Shall be fun, assuming it works out. If not dad will pay for me and Christen to go down. We'll celebrate New Years together.
Despite all the bad things my dad has done in the past, he's still my father biologically. I'd like to try and have him as a father emotionally, too. He's trying, I know. I just hope he keeps it up. He's happy that I'm happy and he seems to be okay with me living with a boyfriend. I guess he trusts me and my grandparents. I mean, they wouldn't let me live with someone that's abusing me.
ALTHOUGH HE DID JUST HEADBUTT ME IN THE EYE/NOSE... Accidentally.. While he was pantsing me. Dx
We finally had sex for the first time in like.. Weeks. We'd both been sick and I don't feel very sexy when I'm constantly having to blow my nose. The night I surprised him with lace and leather I ended up being sick. >_________<; Stupid flu. I'm cured now, at least.
I had a dream the other night that Christen and I had a child. We were both older and had nice jobs. I hope it's a sign because it was the ebst feeling I've ever felt in my life. He seems to think I'm going to baby rape him. ;eye roll.; I want kids; but I don't want them right this instant. lol@me being a mother.
Goodbye, antidote. Hello, homesick.
