And when you're gone; will they love you the same?

*Pauses music for ultimate concentration.*

Let me start off with: Dejan, I fixed my comments. <3

So; the other night I was laying in bed staring up at the ceiling. I couldn't get to sleep. I was tired, but my eyes would not shut. ;frown.; It took me a while to realise that I couldn't fall asleep because I couldn't hear Christen. He was next to me; sleeping and usually I could hear his breathing (snoring T_T), but this time I couldn't. I didn't move or breathe for a moment; trying to catch any movement in his body to let me know he was okay.

Nothing.

And what did I do?

Nothing.

Why? Because I'd been down this road before and it was scary. I didn't want to do it again. I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the hysterics that were sure to burst out. I tried to will myself to go to sleep; assuring myself it was okay. My heart was racing and I was literally shaking. I couldn't take it anymore. I pressed myself against him. He was warm. He was moving. He was breathing. A sigh of releif escaped my lips and half asleep; he rolled over and took me in his arms.

So close. I was so close to leaving him alone when I thought he was.. dead.

I'm only human, my dears. You can't judge me without experiencing.

After that ordeal; I still couldn't sleep but I wasn't tired anymore. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Life really is short. Am I afraid of dying? I don't know. The only thing I know is that I'll die before a lot of people. Can't be helped because I won't let someone help me. I choose to ignore everything and live life normally as if I were going to live forever.

I've spoken about mine and Christen's future because, yes I do see myself having a future with him. I want to do everything as soon as possible because time is slipping. I'm not sure he understands it all yet. I don't want to force him, either. I'll just wait and enjoy our time together.

Who knows? Doctors could be wrong.

Goodbye, worry. Hello, reassurance.

Mourning for morning.

Ugh; woke up early only to find I got my timezones mixed up and didn't have to wake up for a while. Oh well; I had breakfast with Christen. Jumped onto Gaia; GD and read a few topics.

Uhn; Michael Jackson dead? GD isn't the most reliable source considering it's full of teenage weeaboos and wannabe trolls, so I googled and sure enough it was true. A legend passed away. If we ignore all the crazy and immoral things he did; Michael Jackson was amazing be it only for his music. I find the last few years of his life to be quite saddening. Shunned by people of society, stalked and ridiculed by the media, going bankrupt etc'. We took him for granted; thinking that maybe when the heat dies down he can sing for us once more.

There will be no final show for Michael. He's gone and he left on bad terms.


Another legend died today; Farrah Fawcet, though I didn't have to go on GD to find this one out. I'd been following her story closely. The bravery she showed whilst battling cancer. The woman is an inspiration as well as a sex icon. Luckily for her she left on more pleasant terms.

With so many people dying lately I can't help but wonder if I'm wasting my time. I'm trying to get things together; but I'm a small person, I need help. Everything is weighing down on me. I'm too weak to push it away. Someone take me by the waist and lift me up?

Oh, wait.

Goodbye, weight. Hello, Christen.

Ignore that last blog.

Mm. This afternoon at approximately 5:07 PM I heard Christen come through the door. I was tidying up and so I just continued what I was doing until he came in the door and sat down; at which point I would usually ask him how his day was etc'. However; when he threw the door open and I turned to ask what was wrong; I was pulled into his arms and kissed like I'd never been kissed before (except for the first time we kissed when we were cheating). I broke for air; I didn't want to suffocate and I asked what was wrong. "I missed you so much today." He said. I stuttered; mouth wide. He'd never acted like this before. My first instinct was something was wrong and he was buttering me up before he told me what.
"What did you do?" I asked and he shook his head. "Nothing. I wasn't finished with you." And I was kissed again with the same intensity as before.
Perhaps my previous entry was false. He's still attracted to me. I was just being paranoid and selfish. He's been working hard lately; the poor dear. I'm proud of him. He's growing and getting so much better at everything he wants to be good at.

I love him.

This is a short blog; but I thought I should give him the reputation he deserves.

Speak of the devil and he shalt call.
Goodnight, loves. Hello; tomorrow.

don't tell me we're becoming one of /those/ couples.

So; it was Origin game 2 last night.
Sadly; NSW lost. I've now decided to go with QLD to avoid further embarrassment.
Anywho. Christen's parents weren't home; we had the house to ourselves which doesn't happen very often during the week. With no one to tell us to be quiet (close friends will have heard this story~); I figured yahoo let's go crazy.
Sadly, it didn't happen. He was 'too tired'. I remember before that regardless of the time if I showed a bit of cleavage; he attacked me. Not literally, mind you. It was great and we both fell back onto the bed panting and laughing and then cuddled and fell asleep in each other's arms. It was bliss. Now it seems that sex is just a chore; to him, at least. Something he wants to' get over and done with'.
I lay awake while he snored next to me and played Tetris; really sad, I know. And I couldn't help but think he wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore. Perhaps all the times we'd.. 'made love' had just become repetitive and he was bored. I always tried new things for him because I wanted him to be happy and whether we like to admit it or not; once you've experienced it with that person; sex is a big part of relationship.
I don't want something like that to break us apart. I'm not a whore. It's not the orgasm I care about ( though it is a bonus ;) ). It's the intamacy. I love being that close to him. Despite the fact that he towers over me and makes me feel tiny; I feel safe. His guard is let down and he's so.. perfect and peaceful.
While it was awkward at first; we were knew to this and were still exploring. Both of us had only had sex with one other person. I was still sore and he was so worried about hurting me that we ended up stopping before either of us climaxed. We laughed after because we didn't care. We were together and we're happy.
Now; I find it hard to even get a passionate kiss out of him; let alone the home run. I miss that intamacy. I miss the closeness. I miss feeling safe. I miss seeing his perfection to its full extent.

I don't want us to become one of those couples that believe sex is a chore and become bitter and hateful.

twinkle, twinkle; little whore.

Before I begin; yes I am a hypocrite. Deal with it or get out.

There's this girl; Brittany and I don't even have to bother changing her name. She's too busy stripping ( and not smart enough ) to find this. She's been friends with Christen since he became friends with her brother (Glen). He and the rest of the champions ( - Glen since that would be morally wrong and frowned upon ) were.. obsessed with this girl and she was the reason behind their many restless nights and tossings.

Christen crushed on her bad. She lead him on, too; the filthy whore. Let him kiss her and feel her up with no intentions of getting with him in a relationship. But, whatever; I wasn't a major part of his life then. What he did with her in the past means nothing to me. Just like what I did with guys in the past means nothing to him. We're together now. That's all we care about.

Anywhowazza; a few weeks ago she called him and was all on his dick and when he ended the conversation she told him she loves him. ._.; He was like. "Umm.." And she quickly said; "as a friend." After that she called during the day and asked if she could stay over and when Christen said I was here she said don't worry about it; she didn't want me interupting. ... Interupting what, exactly? I had a bit of a bitch at Christen; I took it out on him because she wasn't there for me to smack.

Oh and I also saw her in the bank. And she was like.
"OMG R U SARA?!?!!?"
"Yeah, I am."
"I'm Brittany."
"I've heard."
And turned away. No way in hell I was going to be friendly with her. *eye roll*.

Back onto the topic at hand. I know I can't really say anything against her; considering I cheated on Andrew and Christen cheated on Jess. But; it's different. We're fated to be together eternally. He broke up with his first girlfriend; for me. And then Jess; for me. It was a continuous cycle. One I had to break to stop us making fools of ourselves.

She doesn't love him, though. She's not interested in a relationship. She just wants a fuck. Wants and reasons that do not justify trying to take him from me.

Just a warning to any other females that try to take away something I love;
You can tempt a man into lust; but I can bring him back with love.

So sick of slutty girls/women, these days.
But that's another day.

Goodbye, loves. Hello, tomorrow.

Sara's Life: Cast List.

To clear a few things out. People I blog about will be put here so you know who they are.~

• Christen: The boyfriend & eternal love.
• Maritsa: The adoptive mother.
• Chris: The father who is blind but can see money.
• Jono, Jarrod & Glen: The friends & champions.
• Sladjana: The child & sister.
• Dejan: The little tramp & good friend.
• Andrew: The asshole that took away my innocence.
  

* Please note the names & titles are subject to change.

SICK REMICK.

Ahahaha.
Sick remick, Christen.

Edit: I'm just messing with you.
I love you.
<3